Carwash Phenomenon: A Theory

Carwash Phenomenon: A Theory

Sitting in anticipation I waited until those first few drops of water hit the window. My tiny fingers turning the volume dial increasingly to the right as the water pressure built. Out of the speakers came a song.
The carwash seemed like just another box in search of a checkmark placed somewhere near the end of an errands list. A list such as this was usually pulled out every Saturday upon which my mother and I (sometimes my sister as well) made it our mission to complete each and every task. Though this wasn’t always possible therefore leaving the car in an earthy/grimy state. One might even say dirty. Perhaps the rarity of such trips added to my excitement every time we were able to make it to the bottom of the list. The Carwash emerged from downtown like a tropical paradise in the middle of the Arctic. While The fresh aroma of cleaning products and the ability to buy an air freshener from a vending machine –even one that promised you it smelled like rainbows- all added to the blissful atmosphere. Being too young at the time to operate such large cleaning devices my mother would insist that I remain inside the vehicle. Now to make such an endeavor worthwhile it was important that she leave the keys in the ignition so I could turn the radio on. If this happened (and I made sure it did) the procedure went as followed: The radio got clicked on while I held down the search button for a few seconds and then let go until it found the closest station1. The volume was then instantly turned up and I waited until those familiar pink suds enveloped the car as if it were a child’s security blanket. Allowing any and all passengers the prime opportunity to rock out, if they so desired without anyone seeing (and I made sure I did)
"Well," I said slowly, "you know, everything sounds better when you're driving through the car wash. It's just, like, a fact. Right?" ... "Which car wash?" ... "It's not any one car wash," I said. "Its the car-wash phenomenon. You really don't know about it?" "I don't," he repeated. Then he reached down, shifting into reverse. "But I will. Starting now."
I was 15 when I discovered this passage from Sarah Dessen’s Just Listen. Up until this point I had never realized it was a 'thing' before let alone a 'Phenomenon'. To me it felt like a secret club, member count: 1. However this did further validate my own personal theories on music and the Car Wash. I have always had this deep-rooted belief that there is no such thing as a bad song2. Every song merely needs to be matched to the right mood or location and exercise the perfect timing. I'll use two of John Mellencamp's songs as an example. Everyone has heard "Footloose" and "Jack and Diane" however if you played them back-to-back you would see that they don't elicit the same reactions. "Footloose" begs for a place where you can dance and get wild whereas "Jack and Diane" is best when driving with your windows down on the open road. Now swap the two suggested locations for those songs and you will find that it isn’t possible to drive safely while listening to "Footloose" and there are no good moves that can be busted out to "Jack and Diane" Yet the Car Wash acts as the great equalizer putting both songs on the same level. The environment that exists there is akin to a special force field3 or a cone of silence4. Somehow the loud noises emitted by the cleaning apparatus’ and the perfectly silent enclosure of the car collides to create an amazing backdrop for any song.
It was only a few weeks ago when I found myself once again at the Car Wash. Only this time I offered to get out and help clean the car. Temporarily forgetting about the ‘Phenomenon’ and all of my previous experiences there. As that same pink lather flowed from the giant brush and my arms grew sore I asked myself: “Why did I used to think this looked fun?” I elected to let my mother hose down the car and then apply the hot wax. There I stood in the corner of the little cubicle trying to avoid getting an unnecessary hot wax facial. When I inadvertently thought, “I wonder what is on the radio.”
Eventually our time had expired and we drove out the other side of the building back into the regular flow of traffic. As I watched the remaining water droplets roll down my window I could only hope we hit a massive puddle ensuring I would be back soon. Only next time I’m not getting out.



1Talk radio was instantly disqualified. And the search was redirected.

2Example: Violet from The Incredibles

3Example: Get Smart -because it doesn’t entirely work if when you have the music that loud.

4Isaac Newton’s laws of motion had the exception of the theory of relativity discovered by Einstein. Where as my theory of music has the ‘3 artist’ exception, also discovered by me. This exception states that any one person is allowed to completely and utterly loathe the music of three artists without disrupting the theory of music. My picks: Shania Twain, Barry Manilow, and I have decided saving my third option for future crimes against music.